My Mum died at my home, as was her request. And in the last days I was caring for her almost 24 hours a day.
My sister at that stage couldn’t cope very well with death and dying. For the last couple of nights I was up most of the night, and one night I remember going into the kitchen at 2 o’clock in the morning to put the kettle on and saying out loud: “Oh for God’s sake Mum, will you just hurry up.” Because that’s an emotion you get to. You get fed up.
My sister who was asleep in the lounge, was totally horrified that I would say that, and it made me laugh so much, because the look on her face was like; “How could you say such a thing?”
It’s about not judging yourself for the stuff that comes up. Because a lot of people will go into guilt. “Oh my goodness, I said that. I didn’t do that. I should have done that...” What if everything is okay as it is, including you!
What if you could have gratitude for you and everything you are choosing on this journey that most people would not even have the courage to choose?
When we have gratitude for what is possible and what we are choosing, there is no room for judgement. And when there is no judgement, there can be ease and joy with what is. Even if ‘what is’ is not what most people would see as joyful.