What if it is ok to grieve and there is no right or wrong way to grieve! 
What if you could be willing to start being in allowance of you !
I would love to invite you to a conversation I had with Alison Wright.  Alison is a great invitation to what else?...and is  presently going through some grief with her daughter and Dad. She is willing to talk and contribute to others what has changed for her and how it has become easier to be free to grieve.

What if you could see grief from the space of allowance and gratitude?  If you have gratitude, not only just for now, but for everything that you’ve ever chosen, done or been.  When you have gratitude, there’s no room for judgement.

When any judgement exists, it’s destroying.  So if you make that demand that you will have gratitude instead of judgement, it will change your experience of grief.  Every time you go to judgement of yourself, look at that and ask:  “What could I be grateful for here?  Or:  What’s right about me here I’m not getting?”

When you have an awareness of this, the judgement can disappear because there is no right or wrong.  There’s no such thing as a wrong choice.  What if every choice is a contribution?  So what if you just be with yourself during those times of sadness.  Have those tears.  And have allowance for you.

It’s the energy of having ease with what was, and what will be now.  What if you could have those times of sadness and tears, but still be willing to be present with yourself and be in the question?

It’s not that you’re not going to have tears if you are missing someone - you need to be willing to allow yourself to have tears. And what if you don’t stay in that space all the time. Sadness can be part of your life, but it’s not your entire life, unless you allow it to be.  

A friend’s grandmother is 93.  Her grandfather died about 42 years ago, and her grandmother still talks about him like it was yesterday. He died when she was in her late 40s.  She has not lived her life and all of this time later, she still living in the space of what he would think.  

How many people are in relationship and they live so much in each other’s world, that they actually don’t know who they be?  So when someone dies, moves away, or there’s a divorce or whatever, you need to ask:  “Well, what’s going on?  Who am I?” if you’d like to get out of the loop.  And if you don’t want to let go of what was, you especially need to ask this question!!

Many people think that if they actually let go of the relationship, they haven’t got anything left. Your point of view creates your reality.  What if you could change your point of view of what grief is?  

What if you didn’t have to choose a reality of grief after loss or death?  I remember when a close friend died and I was there with her at the end, and then I left and I was so inspired.  “She’s chosen to go.  That’s cool.  But do you know what?  I’ve got living to do, and I’m living it.”  It was a totally different energy.  There were no tears when she left, even though there were tears along the way. 

What if someone choosing to die can be the inspiration for you to truly live? And what if we didn’t actually have to have something occur in our lives to get that?  What if we could be willing to live every day and just enjoy it?

Photo Credit

When you have choice.  There is no right or wrong.  Especially when people are dying, many people are looking for the right choice.

That energy of “I’ve got to get it right” is far more subtle than we recognise.  How many times as a child were you told;  “You’ve got it wrong.  You’re stupid.  You didn’t do it right?”

When people are dying, or your pet’s dying or something is coming to a close, it feels like there’s even more energy of “you’ve got to get it right”, because it’s the last chance.  

The reality is that we have last chances everyday, we just don’t know it at the time.  And so it becomes a choice to make every moment of our life into something we are grateful for, rather than making some moments far more significant than others.  What if nothing was significant and everything could be a choice?

What if the more willing you are to be comfortable with who you be, that every moment, wherever you are, whoever you are with, is the moment you have enjoyed with that person to the full extent of what is possible? 

That’s the true choice.  When someone has passed on, or they’ve moved out of relationship, or whatever it is, if you have actually enjoyed that time with them then you will be happy to move on.  There can be an acknowledgement of all of the moments and the beauty of those moments, without it having to be the same forever for everything to be ‘right’ or ‘good’.  

If every choice is just a choice and you didn’t judge the ‘rightness’ of it, what else could be possible?  More ease with grief?  Or a totally new way of living?

Photo Credit

When I first started this journey, everything that was hard, struggle and difficulty in trying to work it all out was more real to me than the ease.  I was mistaking that density and intensity for reality.

We are cute. We make things ‘more’ real if they feel dense.  Just because it’s intense or dense does not make it real.  In fact it’s the opposite.  This is a case of “Everything is the opposite of what it appears to be.”  The ease is in the space, not the intensity.

So how do you have more ease?  You ask!  “If I was living my life with so much more ease what could that look like?”  

Most people don’t have a reference point for ease.  What if ease is a space of no judgement?  Which is rare in situations where someone has died.  Mostly there is a lot of judgement about how wrong it is that they died.  What if it’s not wrong?  

What can you be and do different today to be an invitation to a totally different possibility?  What reality would you like to create?  Do you want to continue the same reality that most people have?  Or would you like something different?

And if it is something different – What are you willing to be that would be that different?  It doesn’t have to be something huge.  The subtlest things can create the biggest changes.  Here’s an example from a client:

“I remember when my dog was dying and I would come and visit you with the dog, and it was amazing for me, because I had never had anyone put in my universe that it was even possible to have the points of view you did.  That was the first time I had ever seen it.

So for me, even though I was still sad, I just knew it was all going to be okay.  And that was really different because, until then, there had been quite a lot of trauma and drama and I would say resistance and refusal in my family about death.  It was almost like it didn’t exist.  

I’m so grateful that you showed me there was a different reality.  Because you had so much ease with me and with my dog, it gave us both something totally different.  What you were doing with me was not complicated.  You were just being you and showing me a different energy.  That was all.  And when I say that was all, it was major for me and probably tiny for you, because it was just normal for you.”

Is it really possible?  YES!  It is possible to have something going on, and also live your life at the same time.  People think that these things have to be draining.  But what if they don’t?  What if actually they can be a contribution?  What contribution can this be, that could actually change everything?

Even though they might not be physically right here next to you, energetically there is still a relationship there. What contribution are you willing to receive with ease? I know when my Dad died and just before he died, I received such a contribution.  He gifted me such a contribution and it continues.  And my Mum is still gifting me such contributions of awareness too.  How much more ease can you choose?

Photo Credit