What do the people around you believe about grief? What are their attitudes about what it should and shouldn’t be, and what you should and shouldn’t be in regards to it? If you are sad and need time alone, does that mean you are wrong and should go to the doctor for pills? If you need to talk to someone does that mean you aren’t handling your grief, or that you are?
How many conflicting points of view are there around grief that are tying you up in knots?
Ask yourself: Who do all these points of view really belong to?
If something in your body or world it lightens up at all when you ask this, it is someone else’s. You may have bought into it 1000 years ago, you may have lived by it for many years, but it’s not yours. Just return it to sender – bye bye!
Also, people often do and say some weird things when loss has occurred, especially with the death of a loved one. What if every story you hear, every piece of advice, was also just an interesting point of view? If someone says or does something and it seems to contract your world – don’t buy it as true, just say to yourself “Interesting point of view they have the point of view,” and repeat until you feel more relaxed. Same goes for you. When a point of view or judgment pops into your head, no matter how "real" or certain it feels, start saying “Interesting point of view I have this point of view,” as many times as you need until it doesn’t feel so sticky anymore.
There is no right or wrong way to be with any kind of change or loss. If you are open to seeing that every perspective on grief is just interesting, you don't have to be or do anything that does not work for you. You get to choose how your life and living goes each day, no matter what is occurring and no matter what anybody else does.
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