If we are looking at grief and trauma – how much have you defined who you are by the role of what it is, rather than who you truly be? Does defining something make it true, or does it just stick us with a whole lot of ‘common’ points of view that are not true for everyone?
What if you are the anomaly rather than the definition of a limited role? Would you be willing to choose that?
What if that would create a whole new set of choices that weren’t available while you were sticking yourself with the point of view that ‘widows don’t.....’ or ‘single fathers have to....’ or ‘I was hurt so I won’t.....’. What if these are all just stories that we tell ourselves?
Our point of view creates our reality. So are you actually creating a future that you would like to have? What if you ask: “What could I be and do different here that would create a totally different possibility for me? What is the different story of your life you could create that would allow you to choose the life you would like to live?
We fall into these roles because we compare ourselves to others. If they are doing X then it must be right... What if they have no idea???? What if they are just copying someone else?
Comparing ourselves to others is a habit. Have you noticed how many people automatically compare themselves to others like, ten million times a day?
This occurs particularly in family relationships and in the situations we are talking about - where there are challenges. “Oh, my sister’s doing more than me. My brother doesn’t do enough. I should be doing more.” So how do you move out of all that sort of comparison into a space that works for you? Cause you’ve done this. So what did you do that was different?
One way to change this would be to get a sense of who you be. Sometimes I say to people: “Go back to when you were a tiny child and the joy of that. Is that really, truly you? Were you concerned about other people’s stuff?”
Kids don’t care and they don’t compare. They’re just like; “Hello! Here I am. Hello.”
And it’s like animals and the trees. They don’t go; My branches are prettier than yours.
If you find yourself stuck in the trap of overthinking and comparing the life you have now to the one you used to have, or comparing who is doing what, there’s another amazing Access Consciousness® tool which unhooks your brain.
Say this 30-50 times: “Everything is the opposite of what it appears to be, and nothing is the opposite of what it appears to be” and it will take you into a space of where you can’t think about it and you can’t limit yourself by the roles you are trying to define yourself as. How does it get better than that?