One possibility would be to stop judging ourselves. To stop going into the conclusions about how it is going to be and to start asking questions: “Is it going to be fun? How else can I do this? Who else can assist me here?”
Get clear on what is easy for you. What if you don’t have to be a martyr? Or a saviour? Just because most people on this planet have the idea caring has to be really hard and difficult doesn’t mean it’s true.
One thing that stops people from choosing ease is if you’re seen to be doing it really easily, there’s actually a lot of judgement attached to that. People make it wrong for it to be easy for you! We live in a strange strange world!
Being in allowance...
When my mother was living with me while she was dying and I was still having fun in my life, people thought I was pretending to be happy, pretending to be okay with it all.
A lot of my family were calling me and saying; “We know that it must be very difficult for you at this time.” There were so many projections in there! I came to realise that it was easier to just agree with them verbally as they would not get where I was coming from.
And this is something to be aware of if you are going to do things different to most people. Only say to people what they can hear. Because I could have tried to prove how different I was and what could be possible, but I didn’t, because I knew they couldn’t hear it.
If you are choosing something different, get a sense of what you need to be or do that allows people to choose what they are choosing and for you to choose what you are choosing. You need to be in allowance of your choices and the choices of other people - so this means don’t resist or react to their points of view. And don’t align and agree with them either - just sit in the space of ‘this is an interesting point of view.’
And don’t be hard on yourself if it takes some practice. Being in allowance is a muscle that you build. Few of us have finely developed allowance muscles when we start this journey!
How do you know what people can hear?
Be willing to listen to what they are saying and then asking the question energetically. “Are they willing to receive this?” If it feels light and expansive say it - if not - talk about something else or just say “Yeah.” And you can still keep on being happy. Just because they can’t hear it doesn’t mean that you should stop being you!