How many interesting points of view around grief are you aware of, that aren’t even yours?
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What do the people around you believe about grief? What are their attitudes about what it should and shouldn’t be, and what you should and shouldn’t be in regards to it? If you are sad and need time alone, does that mean you are wrong and should go to the doctor for pills? If you need to talk to someone does that mean you aren’t handling your grief, or that you are?

How many conflicting points of view are there around grief that are tying you up in knots?

Ask yourself: Who do all these points of view really belong to?

If something in your body or world it lightens up at all when you ask this, it is someone else’s. You may have bought into it 1000 years ago, you may have lived by it for many years, but it’s not yours. Just return it to sender – bye bye!

Also, people often do and say some weird things when loss has occurred, especially with the death of a loved one. What if every story you hear, every piece of advice, was also just an interesting point of view? If someone says or does something and it seems to contract your world – don’t buy it as true, just say to yourself “Interesting point of view they have the point of view,” and repeat until you feel more relaxed.  Same goes for you. When a point of view or judgment pops into your head, no matter how "real" or certain it feels, start saying “Interesting point of view I have this point of view,” as many times as you need until it doesn’t feel so sticky anymore. 

There is no right or wrong way to be with any kind of change or loss. If you are open to seeing that every perspective on grief is just interesting, you don't have to be or do anything that does not work for you. You get to choose how your life and living goes each day, no matter what is occurring and no matter what anybody else does.


Dive into more ease, engage with Wendy and view her upcoming events:
https://www.accessconsciousness.com/wendymulder
https://www.facebook.com/livingwithease/

When we are afloat in a sea of all kinds of emotions, opinions, judgments and information, it’s hard to know what is true for us – or is it?  
 
Have you noticed that when you are in nature, having fun, things are easy?  And when things are solid, heavy and contractive, they are problematic and hard?  That’s because what is true for you is always the lightness, and what isn’t true, what doesn’t work in your life, is the heaviness and contractive energies. 
 
With everything you hear, see and even with everything you say, start asking:

• Is this actually true for me? 
• Does this feel heavy or light? 

 
If it’s light, it’s true - for you! If it’s heavy, it’s actually a lie and not true for you.
 
Be aware that what is true for someone else might not be true for you, and vice versa. We are all unique and different, so doesn’t it make sense that different things work for different people?
 
Play with light and heavy – use it with things that you read (does what you read feel light to you, or heavy?  Which part is true for you? Which part isn’t?), with what people say, and with what you hear on the radio or news. Even with the information in these posts! 

What is light for you? 

What is true for you? 

What do you know and what can you acknowledge about what is true for you and what isn’t?
Anything interesting, make sure to write it down so you can look back at it later and keep acknowledging what is true for you!

If you were being a money farmer, how would you grow your money?

Growing up as a grazier's daughter, it was a joy to see seeds planted, baby animals born and nurturing it all to become something greater than before.  The caring, kindness and nurturing that you give to the land, the soil and the animals creates abundance.  What if you were that caring and kindness and nurturing with your money, too?

We had to listen to the earth, burning off the grass at certain times of year, so that the risk of bushfires was reduced, but also promoting new grass growth for the animals to eat.  We looked at everything that was around us - what did the plants and animals require from us so they would be healthy and plentiful and happy?  When we gave the soil space to regenerate without interference from crops or animals, it would regenerate and give back to us in the future years.

What if you would look at your money the same was as a farmer caring for their crops and animals?

What questions would you ask? What choices would you make?

Here are some simple questions to invite the adventure of being you with money, and inviting it to grow in your life with ease:

1.  Ask money: where do I need to put you today so that you create more for me now and in the future (1, 5 and 10 years from now)?

2. Where do I put my attention today that would contribute to the expansion of wealth, abundance, riches and money in my life and on the planet?

3. What joy, nurturing and space can I be and allow with money today that would create more in my life right away?

4. Money, what do you desire to contribute to me that I have never received before?

What assumptions are you making that keep you from being aware of your actual possibilities?

Assumptions are expectations you have that you may not even realise are running your life!

If you assume that someone will, should or even can see something from your point of view, that is an assumption! When you buy into someone else's expectation of you or any area of your life, you are making an assumption too.

In my work with grieving and nursing, assumptions are often rife!  Many times, when people receive a medical diagnosis, they assume that what the doctors expect and project about their body and illness is 100% true, when it may not be – they don’t question what they are being told and instead say, ‘Oh this is the way it is and the way it must be for me and my body.’

With the loss of loved ones, there are many assumptions about how you should feel, how you should and would ‘normally’ act in that situation, which again, have nothing to do with what is actually real and true for each person.

When you live with assumptions, you can't see where you can ask a question that might create a greater possibility for you.

If you have ever felt disappointment, judgement (of you or others or both), confusion, doubt or upset, rather than having clarity, ease and the JOY of no point of view - there's probably an assumption (or a few) getting in the way of you!

A great question you can ask to become free of the hidden assumptions running your life is: "What else is possible here that I haven't considered?" and be willing to continually ask that question in regards to everything, until a new possibility shows up. 

​A new possibility can ALWAYS show up, no matter what, but you do have to keep asking, and never assuming!

I founded Living With Ease and Kindness With Grief to assist people to embrace living beyond trauma, grief and self-judgement. The point of view I have chosen to take around grief is, ‘What if we could see grief from a space of allowance, question, and possibility?’

By choosing to ask different questions and look at grief from a different point of view, I have seen people who have felt stuck with grief, even if it has been for decades, begin to embrace living, joy and possibility again.

I encourage everyone who seeks to move beyond the grief in their lives to ask, "If grief was a gift, what choices could it offer and what changes could those choices bring?" 

If you are reading this and still wondering what a different possibility with grief looks or feels like, check out this radio interview I did with the amazing Donnielle Carter.  It might answer some questions, or at least open a door to a different point of view around your own experience.

Got to http://www.inspiredchoicesnetwork.com/media/a-different-possibility-with-grief-guest-wendy-mulder to listen to the interview, or click on the image below!

Recently, I was interviewed on "For the Luv of Learning" radio show about the Kindness of Being You and the first question the hosts, Simone Padur and Christine DeDomenico, asked me was: What is kindness with yourself? What does that actually look like?
 
I explained using an example from my book, "Dying Happy: The Gift of Choice."

I chose to care for my mother when she was dying.  A lot of people go into caring for someone putting the person who is dying or ill first, and themselves second.

When I chose to take this on, I was very up front, I asked myself, "If I am going to do this, I am choosing for me.  How is this going to work for me? What do I need to be aware of and what do I need to choose?"

That was really a kindness for me. Making sure that I am choosing this for myself - not for my family, siblings, parents or anyone else.

That one simple choice right up front was a kindness as then I could do what I had to do and be there for my mother completely without getting tired or exhausted.

When you are living for the should, must, have to, it can get very exhausting. But if you are willing to choose for you, you become the leader and are able to choose, communicate and delegate what you need to so that it works for you and all elements are still taken care of.

You can listen to the full interview and have some fun exploring what being kind to YOU means for you here:

Hugs,
Wendy xx

DID YOU KNOW?...
You can get a copy of Wendy's book "Dying Happy the Gift of Choice" on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback:​

​Have you ever paid attention to how often you will criticise rather than congratulate yourself in any moment?
 
Most people don’t even realise how much judgement they lay on themselves on a daily basis – about their bodies, relationships, money situation – you name it. We are way too good at being hard on ourselves!
 
We also don’t realise that the judgement that we do and the mental habit of believing that we are limited and have limited resources and choices available in life is the #1 reason we feel the lack of joy, peace and celebration of living.
 
What if today, you gave yourself a break?
 
What if today, you made a different choice, and it began to change something?
 
What if you made a commitment to be kind to you and not judge you, no matter what? It may not be easy, but give it a go, I wonder it could open your eyes to? Maybe you would begin to see what a gift you actually are!
 
If you are not sure where to start, start simple. Make a commitment that for at least 2 minutes a day, or at intervals throughout the day, you will take a quiet moment to be present with you and consciously choose to be kind to you… whether that is a kind thought about you or your body, a moment of gratitude for something you said or did that created a sense of joy or space in your world and / or someone else’s, or acknowledging something nice that showed up in your life and being grateful that you received it!
 
And what if, after every time you choose to do that – you celebrate it!  Be grateful that you chose that, that you chose something different, something that was kind and caring to you. Notice what making that choice changes about you mentally and physically throughout the day.
 
Your point of view creates your reality and your life.  What point of view do you have around kindness, or about you?  Are you willing to be as kind to you as you are to others, or to your pet?  Probably not!  But if you are willing to start with this little moments of kindness and celebration, you might find that you will choose to celebrate rather than judge more and more.

By Amanda Holland.

​Recently, someone I cared about passed away.  My Granddad was 90 years old, and sometimes when people are around that long, you think somehow there is always tomorrow.  It’s easy to push aside the thought that someone might be here today and gone tomorrow – I mean, no one wants to spend all their time worrying about that, do they? Why make yourself look at something that seems to have no possible answer except to be sad about something you can't avoid?  But after being with my Granddad during his last few weeks on earth, and being there as he died, I am glad I didn't avoid the sad stuff.  and here's why.

I chose to stay with my Granddad during what was supposed to be a couple of weeks of getting back into the swing of things after a fall and a few weeks of promising rehabilitation, but what ended up being his last few weeks of life.  I am grateful that we had the chance to talk about this and that, to enjoy watching old British murder mysteries on TV, and to give him a hug when he said, "Thanks for looking after me today."

My granddad was also ridiculously stubborn.  He didn't receive help easily. It wasn't easy to watch him struggle, knowing there were some things he just wouldn't allow me to help him with, even if it would've made his life easier. The morning he passed away, we were both getting ready to go visit my grandma in the nursing home.  I was there when he fell over and went into cardiac arrest. I called the ambulance and stayed on the phone; I had to do CPR until they arrived. 

A lot of people who knew I was there when he passed away would immediately remark how traumatic it must be.  They probably crossed themselves and thank God they haven't been in that situation, and hope they never will. A lot of people avoid being with ageing family members, or avoid looking at what is coming hoping it'll just happen and they'll ride that wave when it comes.

But for me, the whole experience was a gift.  And I was so glad that I had been prepared and aware.  A week before my Granddad had died, I was telling my friend and colleague, Wendy Mulder that I desired to be more 'switched on' in life. I didn't want to miss opportunities and moments by not being present enough, or by avoiding dealing with the difficult parts of caring for my Granddad, or with anything I perceived as difficult or challenging. I am so glad I got to have that conversation with Wendy, because I approached things different when I got back to my Granddad that day. At that time, I didn't know that my grandfather would soon pass away, but I did know that it was important to me not to avoid anything or become distant or switched-off when it became uncomfortable or unfamiliar. 

And for helping me navigate all those places that we are told must be fraught with grief or stress, Wendy has been a huge gift in my life.  She has been there for both me and my mother when it was time to put my grandmother in a nursing home.  The tools and questions and advice she had, both from her own experience, but also with the tools and questions she would offer, made the process phenomenally easier, as it has made dealing with my grandmother's Alzheimer’s (and helping my Mum deal with it) so much lighter and easier, too.  In the time leading up to my Granddad's death and the weeks afterwards, Wendy gave me tools and possibilities for being and doing something completely different.  For not losing myself amidst the drama and sadness, to empower myself and those around me as well.

When caring for ageing people, we often see their lives shrink and we think there is less and less we can do, that it's kind of a one-way trajectory and we can feel powerless about it. But what my conversations with Wendy have shown me is that there's ALWAYS so much more possible and it never looks like how you think it will! Through her amazing insights and different points of view, I have realised that there are all kinds of areas of life where we are taught to believe grief has to prevail, that doesn’t have to be so. In fact, it can open your eyes to something so amazing and beautiful, if you are willing to just be there and not judge what is going on.

The day my granddad died, I felt sad, and I felt relieved for the end of his struggle, and I knew that everything was going to change for a lot of people.  And it wasn’t a bad thing.  I could feel whatever I was feeling without any sense of wrongness.  I could allow everything that was coming up, for me and others, to just be there, and to let things be chaotic, messy, sad and joyful all at the same time. To be able to be present in the moment, no matter what was occurring, is something I didn’t even consider I could be, especially in the midst of losing someone for whom I have cared so deeply my entire life. But I did it and I am it, and I am so grateful for Wendy empowering me to be that.

It has always been interesting to me that when we are caring for other people, and particularly, when caring for other people’s bodies, we seem to dynamically neglect our own.
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Health-care workers can be the worst perpetrators of this!

When I was caring for my mother as she was dying, it was so important for me to take time to care for my own body, to spend an hour each day nurturing and caring for me, connecting in and checking in with my body, and also the beauty around me.  This allowed me to connect with the sense of peace, calm, joy and gratitude that is available in every moment. 

It’s not difficult to connect with and begin nurturing your body, and if you do, you will discover that caring for your body is one of the most nurturing and dynamic gateways for living life with greater ease and joy.

Here are two really great tools to rediscover the joy with your amazing body. I recommend you start doing this regularly.  You will be amazed how much change you can create if you make this commitment.

TOOL #1:  Rediscovering the joy of your body

It is time to start asking your body some questions, and let it contribute to you?

When you wake up in the morning, touch your arms, your stomach, your face, gently and just connect in and say “Hi.”  Acknowledge it is there, and it is there with you. You might even being to thank it for being with you despite all the judgment you have heaped on it or the ignoring you have done of it.  What if you could start to be grateful for your body anew in this moment? 

Start tapping into your body every time you are making a decision that involves your body.  Ask:

• If your body was talking to you now, what would it say? 
• What would it request or desire of you?
• If it’s constantly aching, tired, or restless what is it asking for?
• What food or drink does it desire?  Does it actually desire food or drink, or something else?
• What would it like to wear today?
• What does your body desire to contribute to you that you haven’t been willing to receive?
• What are you grateful for about your body that you haven’t acknowledged?

For everything that involves your body, start asking your body what it would like.  It may take a while to start speaking the language of your body, but just start, and it’ll get easier, and more fun!

Tool #2:  The One Metre walk. 
This is practice for being present with your body and your surroundings. 

Go somewhere where you can have some space and not be disturbed, you are about to go for the slowest walk of your life!  Take one step, and then stop. Start taking notice of your body and your surroundings as you stand there. Your posture, the feeling of the ground underneath your feet.  The air on your skin, your clothes on your skins.  What smells, sounds, vibrations are you aware of?  Is it different if you open or close your eyes? – What can you notice and acknowledge about you, your body, and the environment around you that you have never noticed before? How much can you notice around you before taking another step?  How long can you stand in one spot and keep noticing more and more things?

If you got back to the same place twice, what different things can you notice from last time?  You will be surprised how much we miss when we aren’t truly being present with us and our bodies in our lives.

Enjoy playing with these and remember – nurturing your body will allow you to nurture others with far greater ease.  For what reason would you not want give yourself, and everybody else, that wonderful gift?