If you were being a money farmer, how would you grow your money?

Growing up as a grazier's daughter, it was a joy to see seeds planted, baby animals born and nurturing it all to become something greater than before.  The caring, kindness and nurturing that you give to the land, the soil and the animals creates abundance.  What if you were that caring and kindness and nurturing with your money, too?

We had to listen to the earth, burning off the grass at certain times of year, so that the risk of bushfires was reduced, but also promoting new grass growth for the animals to eat.  We looked at everything that was around us - what did the plants and animals require from us so they would be healthy and plentiful and happy?  When we gave the soil space to regenerate without interference from crops or animals, it would regenerate and give back to us in the future years.

What if you would look at your money the same was as a farmer caring for their crops and animals?

What questions would you ask? What choices would you make?

Here are some simple questions to invite the adventure of being you with money, and inviting it to grow in your life with ease:

1.  Ask money: where do I need to put you today so that you create more for me now and in the future (1, 5 and 10 years from now)?

2. Where do I put my attention today that would contribute to the expansion of wealth, abundance, riches and money in my life and on the planet?

3. What joy, nurturing and space can I be and allow with money today that would create more in my life right away?

4. Money, what do you desire to contribute to me that I have never received before?

What assumptions are you making that keep you from being aware of your actual possibilities?

Assumptions are expectations you have that you may not even realise are running your life!

If you assume that someone will, should or even can see something from your point of view, that is an assumption! When you buy into someone else's expectation of you or any area of your life, you are making an assumption too.

In my work with grieving and nursing, assumptions are often rife!  Many times, when people receive a medical diagnosis, they assume that what the doctors expect and project about their body and illness is 100% true, when it may not be – they don’t question what they are being told and instead say, ‘Oh this is the way it is and the way it must be for me and my body.’

With the loss of loved ones, there are many assumptions about how you should feel, how you should and would ‘normally’ act in that situation, which again, have nothing to do with what is actually real and true for each person.

When you live with assumptions, you can't see where you can ask a question that might create a greater possibility for you.

If you have ever felt disappointment, judgement (of you or others or both), confusion, doubt or upset, rather than having clarity, ease and the JOY of no point of view - there's probably an assumption (or a few) getting in the way of you!

A great question you can ask to become free of the hidden assumptions running your life is: "What else is possible here that I haven't considered?" and be willing to continually ask that question in regards to everything, until a new possibility shows up. 

​A new possibility can ALWAYS show up, no matter what, but you do have to keep asking, and never assuming!

I founded Living With Ease and Kindness With Grief to assist people to embrace living beyond trauma, grief and self-judgement. The point of view I have chosen to take around grief is, ‘What if we could see grief from a space of allowance, question, and possibility?’

By choosing to ask different questions and look at grief from a different point of view, I have seen people who have felt stuck with grief, even if it has been for decades, begin to embrace living, joy and possibility again.

I encourage everyone who seeks to move beyond the grief in their lives to ask, "If grief was a gift, what choices could it offer and what changes could those choices bring?" 

If you are reading this and still wondering what a different possibility with grief looks or feels like, check out this radio interview I did with the amazing Donnielle Carter.  It might answer some questions, or at least open a door to a different point of view around your own experience.

Got to http://www.inspiredchoicesnetwork.com/media/a-different-possibility-with-grief-guest-wendy-mulder to listen to the interview, or click on the image below!

Recently, I was interviewed on "For the Luv of Learning" radio show about the Kindness of Being You and the first question the hosts, Simone Padur and Christine DeDomenico, asked me was: What is kindness with yourself? What does that actually look like?
 
I explained using an example from my book, "Dying Happy: The Gift of Choice."

I chose to care for my mother when she was dying.  A lot of people go into caring for someone putting the person who is dying or ill first, and themselves second.

When I chose to take this on, I was very up front, I asked myself, "If I am going to do this, I am choosing for me.  How is this going to work for me? What do I need to be aware of and what do I need to choose?"

That was really a kindness for me. Making sure that I am choosing this for myself - not for my family, siblings, parents or anyone else.

That one simple choice right up front was a kindness as then I could do what I had to do and be there for my mother completely without getting tired or exhausted.

When you are living for the should, must, have to, it can get very exhausting. But if you are willing to choose for you, you become the leader and are able to choose, communicate and delegate what you need to so that it works for you and all elements are still taken care of.

You can listen to the full interview and have some fun exploring what being kind to YOU means for you here:

Hugs,
Wendy xx

DID YOU KNOW?...
You can get a copy of Wendy's book "Dying Happy the Gift of Choice" on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback:​

​Have you ever paid attention to how often you will criticise rather than congratulate yourself in any moment?
 
Most people don’t even realise how much judgement they lay on themselves on a daily basis – about their bodies, relationships, money situation – you name it. We are way too good at being hard on ourselves!
 
We also don’t realise that the judgement that we do and the mental habit of believing that we are limited and have limited resources and choices available in life is the #1 reason we feel the lack of joy, peace and celebration of living.
 
What if today, you gave yourself a break?
 
What if today, you made a different choice, and it began to change something?
 
What if you made a commitment to be kind to you and not judge you, no matter what? It may not be easy, but give it a go, I wonder it could open your eyes to? Maybe you would begin to see what a gift you actually are!
 
If you are not sure where to start, start simple. Make a commitment that for at least 2 minutes a day, or at intervals throughout the day, you will take a quiet moment to be present with you and consciously choose to be kind to you… whether that is a kind thought about you or your body, a moment of gratitude for something you said or did that created a sense of joy or space in your world and / or someone else’s, or acknowledging something nice that showed up in your life and being grateful that you received it!
 
And what if, after every time you choose to do that – you celebrate it!  Be grateful that you chose that, that you chose something different, something that was kind and caring to you. Notice what making that choice changes about you mentally and physically throughout the day.
 
Your point of view creates your reality and your life.  What point of view do you have around kindness, or about you?  Are you willing to be as kind to you as you are to others, or to your pet?  Probably not!  But if you are willing to start with this little moments of kindness and celebration, you might find that you will choose to celebrate rather than judge more and more.

By Amanda Holland.

​Recently, someone I cared about passed away.  My Granddad was 90 years old, and sometimes when people are around that long, you think somehow there is always tomorrow.  It’s easy to push aside the thought that someone might be here today and gone tomorrow – I mean, no one wants to spend all their time worrying about that, do they? Why make yourself look at something that seems to have no possible answer except to be sad about something you can't avoid?  But after being with my Granddad during his last few weeks on earth, and being there as he died, I am glad I didn't avoid the sad stuff.  and here's why.

I chose to stay with my Granddad during what was supposed to be a couple of weeks of getting back into the swing of things after a fall and a few weeks of promising rehabilitation, but what ended up being his last few weeks of life.  I am grateful that we had the chance to talk about this and that, to enjoy watching old British murder mysteries on TV, and to give him a hug when he said, "Thanks for looking after me today."

My granddad was also ridiculously stubborn.  He didn't receive help easily. It wasn't easy to watch him struggle, knowing there were some things he just wouldn't allow me to help him with, even if it would've made his life easier. The morning he passed away, we were both getting ready to go visit my grandma in the nursing home.  I was there when he fell over and went into cardiac arrest. I called the ambulance and stayed on the phone; I had to do CPR until they arrived. 

A lot of people who knew I was there when he passed away would immediately remark how traumatic it must be.  They probably crossed themselves and thank God they haven't been in that situation, and hope they never will. A lot of people avoid being with ageing family members, or avoid looking at what is coming hoping it'll just happen and they'll ride that wave when it comes.

But for me, the whole experience was a gift.  And I was so glad that I had been prepared and aware.  A week before my Granddad had died, I was telling my friend and colleague, Wendy Mulder that I desired to be more 'switched on' in life. I didn't want to miss opportunities and moments by not being present enough, or by avoiding dealing with the difficult parts of caring for my Granddad, or with anything I perceived as difficult or challenging. I am so glad I got to have that conversation with Wendy, because I approached things different when I got back to my Granddad that day. At that time, I didn't know that my grandfather would soon pass away, but I did know that it was important to me not to avoid anything or become distant or switched-off when it became uncomfortable or unfamiliar. 

And for helping me navigate all those places that we are told must be fraught with grief or stress, Wendy has been a huge gift in my life.  She has been there for both me and my mother when it was time to put my grandmother in a nursing home.  The tools and questions and advice she had, both from her own experience, but also with the tools and questions she would offer, made the process phenomenally easier, as it has made dealing with my grandmother's Alzheimer’s (and helping my Mum deal with it) so much lighter and easier, too.  In the time leading up to my Granddad's death and the weeks afterwards, Wendy gave me tools and possibilities for being and doing something completely different.  For not losing myself amidst the drama and sadness, to empower myself and those around me as well.

When caring for ageing people, we often see their lives shrink and we think there is less and less we can do, that it's kind of a one-way trajectory and we can feel powerless about it. But what my conversations with Wendy have shown me is that there's ALWAYS so much more possible and it never looks like how you think it will! Through her amazing insights and different points of view, I have realised that there are all kinds of areas of life where we are taught to believe grief has to prevail, that doesn’t have to be so. In fact, it can open your eyes to something so amazing and beautiful, if you are willing to just be there and not judge what is going on.

The day my granddad died, I felt sad, and I felt relieved for the end of his struggle, and I knew that everything was going to change for a lot of people.  And it wasn’t a bad thing.  I could feel whatever I was feeling without any sense of wrongness.  I could allow everything that was coming up, for me and others, to just be there, and to let things be chaotic, messy, sad and joyful all at the same time. To be able to be present in the moment, no matter what was occurring, is something I didn’t even consider I could be, especially in the midst of losing someone for whom I have cared so deeply my entire life. But I did it and I am it, and I am so grateful for Wendy empowering me to be that.

It has always been interesting to me that when we are caring for other people, and particularly, when caring for other people’s bodies, we seem to dynamically neglect our own.
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Health-care workers can be the worst perpetrators of this!

When I was caring for my mother as she was dying, it was so important for me to take time to care for my own body, to spend an hour each day nurturing and caring for me, connecting in and checking in with my body, and also the beauty around me.  This allowed me to connect with the sense of peace, calm, joy and gratitude that is available in every moment. 

It’s not difficult to connect with and begin nurturing your body, and if you do, you will discover that caring for your body is one of the most nurturing and dynamic gateways for living life with greater ease and joy.

Here are two really great tools to rediscover the joy with your amazing body. I recommend you start doing this regularly.  You will be amazed how much change you can create if you make this commitment.

TOOL #1:  Rediscovering the joy of your body

It is time to start asking your body some questions, and let it contribute to you?

When you wake up in the morning, touch your arms, your stomach, your face, gently and just connect in and say “Hi.”  Acknowledge it is there, and it is there with you. You might even being to thank it for being with you despite all the judgment you have heaped on it or the ignoring you have done of it.  What if you could start to be grateful for your body anew in this moment? 

Start tapping into your body every time you are making a decision that involves your body.  Ask:

• If your body was talking to you now, what would it say? 
• What would it request or desire of you?
• If it’s constantly aching, tired, or restless what is it asking for?
• What food or drink does it desire?  Does it actually desire food or drink, or something else?
• What would it like to wear today?
• What does your body desire to contribute to you that you haven’t been willing to receive?
• What are you grateful for about your body that you haven’t acknowledged?

For everything that involves your body, start asking your body what it would like.  It may take a while to start speaking the language of your body, but just start, and it’ll get easier, and more fun!

Tool #2:  The One Metre walk. 
This is practice for being present with your body and your surroundings. 

Go somewhere where you can have some space and not be disturbed, you are about to go for the slowest walk of your life!  Take one step, and then stop. Start taking notice of your body and your surroundings as you stand there. Your posture, the feeling of the ground underneath your feet.  The air on your skin, your clothes on your skins.  What smells, sounds, vibrations are you aware of?  Is it different if you open or close your eyes? – What can you notice and acknowledge about you, your body, and the environment around you that you have never noticed before? How much can you notice around you before taking another step?  How long can you stand in one spot and keep noticing more and more things?

If you got back to the same place twice, what different things can you notice from last time?  You will be surprised how much we miss when we aren’t truly being present with us and our bodies in our lives.

Enjoy playing with these and remember – nurturing your body will allow you to nurture others with far greater ease.  For what reason would you not want give yourself, and everybody else, that wonderful gift?

I have a bit of a different point of view of what a “Leader” is.  It’s not about being in control or “in charge” of people, a situation, or having followers.  To me, a leader is someone who is truly willing to LIVE! 
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Living as a leader is about being willing to choose what works for you and creates the most in life, regardless of what other people think, say and do.  It’s also being willing to let other people choose what they need to choose, while never stop yourself from choosing what you need to choose, either.

Are you ready to no longer be a product of your past experiences, or of the attitudes of the people around you and just BE YOU – totally and joyfully?

If you are, here are my top 7 tips for creating it all with ease, kindness, and joy:

Being the Leader Tool #1: Make a demand to commit to your life
Demand of yourself every day to have allowance, to practice choosing, to be present, have gratitude and celebrate you.  If you choose to change it, it will change.  But you have to be willing to do whatever it takes, and change your “can’t, shouldn’t and won’t” points of view to “what else is possible?” points of view!
 
Being the Leader Tool #2: Interesting point of view – whose is it anyway?
Anytime any doubt comes up, or you feel hesitant, or stuck, or upset – whose point of view is that?  Is it really yours? Or is it how your Mum feels about life? Is it how most people feel about their lives?  Is it something you were taught that was true that isn’t?  Is it really true for you (remember the heavy / light tool) or is it just an interesting point of view?
 
Being the Leader Tool #3: Ask Questions every day!
·       What can I choose today that will allow me to keep moving forward right away?
·       What else is possible that I have never considered?
·       How does it get any better than this?
·       What would be kind / nurturing / joyful for me to choose right now?
·       What does my body require and desire of me and what does it desire to contribute to me?
 
Be the Leader Tool #4: Choose!
If something isn’t working, if you are going down the rabbit hole of judgment, ok cool, no problem.  Choose it. And then you have another 10 seconds, choose again! If that choice doesn’t work, choose again.  If something isn’t changing, make a different choice.
 
Being the Leader Tool #5:  Give yourself permission to have it easy.
Do something that is fun for you.  If you are not feeling great, be willing to ask questions, do something simple that adds to your life – put on bright clothes, listen to some nurturing music, stand outside in the sun for 5 minutes and just listen to your breathing.
 
Being the Leader Tool #6: Don’t give up and never give in!
Re-visit these tips, and use the questions consciously over and over until it becomes second nature to you.  This is a different way of functioning you may need to give yourself some time.  It’s not about getting it all right – spend 3 days on one tool and see what changes… Focus on gratitude for a week… pick one thing and indulge in it.  There’s no right or wrong. Just as there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is no right or wrong way to change things and live your life – it’s your life, choose what works for you!
 
Being the Leader Tool #7: Acknowledge you.
Take some time to notice what has changed in your life – without the filter of judgment.  Is it possible you have actually created more than you think you have?  Where is there ease in your life now that seems so natural to you, you might have forgotten that a few days or weeks ago it wasn’t an area of ease?  Sometimes change does occur quickly and gently, and if we don’t acknowledge ourselves, we will miss the changes that have shown up for us!
 
Ease, freedom and joyful exuberance is part of living, if you choose it to be there – no matter what has occurred in your life.  You truly can create whatever you desire.  Use these tips to play with what would be fun for you to create in life. Where would you like to lead yourself today?

One thing that created the most grief for me in life was something many of you might not expect.

As a young child and into my 40s, I suffered with constant and debilitating migraines.

My response to having them was typical of the “symptoms” of grief:  I would be out of circulation for days, I buried myself away, I didn't let anyone in.  I had the shields up and I couldn’t stand to be around people. I would go into sadness, anger and a heavy and significant state of believing something was very wrong with me.  I was stuck in the cycle of feeling helpless to change anything, and I was in a continual state of worry and fear about when my next one was coming.

I would never leave the house without a plastic bag full of different types of medications "just in case" I might need them. I was always told when you felt the first signs of migraine symptoms that you must take something straight away to stop it, and there were different medications for different symptoms – so I had quite a collection!

Putting coping mechanisms in play to deal with migraines took over so much of my life. My world became small and contracted.  I tried to control as much as possible around me.  I blamed the migraines for my life having to be so limited, but what I later came to realise was that it was my choice to be small and controlled that was creating the grief and pain I experienced.

The first time in my life that I truly felt empowered to start changing this was when I realized that my point of view creates the reality I experience, and not the other way around.

It can be confronting to acknowledge this at first.  But for me, it was interesting to realise that when I create a point of view in my own world it can create a physical dis-ability, and it was even more interesting to acknowledge that I could change my reality with migraines by changing my point of view.

I had decided many years ago that the migraines were horrible and I couldn’t do anything about them. When I let go of that and started looking at things differently, what was previously impossible, began to unravel.
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If you have something causing you constant grief, whether it’s a body or health issue, relationship issue, work issue, money issue or anything issue – I suggest that you don’t give up trying to change it until you have done (at least) these 3 things:

1. Acknowledge that beginning to change the way you think about things will open a door for you to find some different possibilities.  If you give up the belief that you can’t change it, what else might be possible you have never considered?  Ask “What else is possible?” every time you find yourself feeling helpless or limited in your choices.
2. Whether we know it or not, we all have this capacity to sense energy. This is a pretty cool capacity, but when we then decide to buy all that crazy stuff as ours, without even checking if it is something we would choose, well that is not the smartest choice we can make – and it can make your head hurt, literally!  It’s easy to begin to create clarity on what energy is and isn’t yours with the question, “WHO DOES THIS BELONG TO?” If whatever you are experiencing or feeling lightens up just a little when you ask this question - it isn’t really yours!  You are just really aware of what it going on all around you, and you don’t have to take it on anymore! 
3. The other thing that changed it all for me was learning a body-based technique, called Access Bars. The Bars not only relaxed my body, but gave me space to consider a different possibility, so that whenever a symptom, feeling or sensation came up I could ask  "What awareness is my body giving me?” rather than going into the conclusion, “Oh I have a migraine coming on!”
   
   

Changing and altering this area of my life has been a personal miracle. 

No more migraines, no more medications and no more contracting my life in order to cope.

Happy Body! Happy me!
~
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If you would like to know more about the Access Bars check out www.wendymulder.accessconsciousness.com