When my mother was dying I was her care-giver and these are some of the tools I used to make sure that my life could continue with ease.
What if it’s actually about you?
What if the situation is about you and includes you as well as the other person you’re caring about? It’s about choice. It’s a choice and making the choice. A lot of people go into the role of caring for someone and it’s more about: they should do it, they have to do it or they are obligated to do it rather than about making a choice to take on that role.
So right from the beginning, no matter who it is or what it is, is to be willing to go; “Okay, is this a choice that would work for me? Is this something that’s light? And is this fun?”
And then once you have that choice in place, then you can actually start putting certain things into action. You are clear. “This is a choice that I’m choosing. Now, how can this work for me? And how can I do this so much more easier than anyone else has done?”
But I don’t have a choice!
There’s another choice that comes up where people go; “Well, I don’t have a choice. I’m the only child. There’s no other family. There’s no-one that lives nearby. I don’t have a choice.” What is possible in this situation? Asking questions will show you! What types of questions could you ask?
What is it you have actually communicated?
Have you had a clear communication between you and the person you are looking after? How much miscommunication has gone on?
What if ‘this is just the way it is!” is not the end of the story?
What if there are a hundred thousand ways to care for you and your loved one... and only one of them becomes a diminishment of your life? That’s the one where you give up everything including you to make sure the other person is cared for.
What role can you choose to play?
Making a choice to be the carer is one option. You can also choose whether you would like to be the co-ordinator, the communicator or the person in charge of getting things done. Which is a very different thing than doing every single thing for the person.